Monday, 16 March 2009
Monday 16 March 2009
Well today has been an ok day I suppose. I won't say bad because that's just negative thinking! After sleeping at Amy's house last night I woke up this morning feeling absolutely awful. What I don't know is why. I had a takeaway that night before I went to Amy's at about 6 o clock and didn't even eat all that, but as soon as I woke up on Amy's couch I felt blooming awful. We travelled back to university where I just had to get in bed I felt that ill. And so I missed my lectures today but I'll be okay me hopes! I slept until two when I finally felt better and then I did some work for my report on and off throughout the day, although half-heartedly. I need to get my bum in gear a bit more as I'm coming up to the final hurdle and I need to do well. I spoke to Rachel today about Canal Street in 2 weeks time and I would like it if we could make a day out of it. Recently I’ve been really craving human company, so much so in fact it’s caused arguments and upset. James has suggested that we take a break from each other until I can get my head sorted which is a good idea. He said that he’ll still see me at the weekend and I’ll want him so much. Just having him talk about how he truly feels about me is enough to make me open my eyes more and realise that I am controlling him to some extent. I don’t want to do that. It’s eye-opening when he compares me to my old self. Talking about my old-self I really want to lose weight. On Thursday the doctor’s scales recorded a loss of 6lb but I am still confused about which scales to follow. Nevertheless I should just try and focus on losing rather than the number. I can’t believe that tomorrow is Michelle’s due date! I am so nervous but yet excited for her I just hope that she and baby will be safe and well. As for my mum and jobs, it doesn’t look too good after she visited the job centre this morning. I really wish she would push herself to do what she wants and be happy and comfortable, but then again I can’t talk, I’ve been “losing weight” for the past 4 years! I would really like to make my mum proud and be a better friend to those who have stuck by me throughout my slipping in and out of their lives. So here is to a better me!